#IVF: Choosing a Family Egg or Egg Donor

Medical results have shown that your body will probably accept a family member’s eggs more easily. When choosing who’s eggs to use, a family member’s or a third party Egg Donor Agency – it seems like a no-brainer decision. A family member’s eggs would be a lot easier and a cheaper route to go with for your IVF. Here’s why is it not that simple a decision, and what you should think about before deciding on who’s eggs to use.

Some thoughts to consider with using a family member’s eggs:

  • They may feel a sense of ‘entitlement’
  • They become the ‘hero’ in your story
  • They can make the entire IVF process about them and make you feel robbed of what is actually your journey for your baby
  • With the meds, they may become overly emotional and unstable with mood swings. This can effect the greater family balance
  • They may feel they have a right to add their opinion on how you raise your child if they provided the egg
  • You could be asked to attend all medical appointments and assist with giving the tummy injections
  • You will always feel indebted to them
  • Now what you are asking them? There are lots of scans, blood tests and multiple tummy injections. Are you sure they are able to cope and will they manage to fulfil your request? If they give in half way, you may feel a lot of resentment towards them

On the flipside, using an anonymous egg donor’s egg from an Agency means:

  • You don’t really fully know what you’re getting. Do they have bad habits or eat poorly? Their profile’s wont reveal this
  • Pick 2 or 3 egg donor’s profiles’ and then discuss them with the Agency as they would’ve met the candidates in person.
  • It is not as ‘close to home’
  • Less demanding on your time and emotions as you will only be involved after egg retrieval
  • The Egg Donor Agency manages all the steps and stages for you
  • There is a record of the Donor’s success rate with live births

Having personally gone through both ways, I would recommend using an Agency for eggs as it’s a lot smoother, cleaner and easier. However, if you’ve tried an egg donor and it hasn’t worked, consider approaching a family member who’s ideally in their 20’s, as results show this to be the optimum age for egg quality.

Feel welcome to send me an email (cathy@ivfsupport.co.za) or Facebook message (https://www.facebook.com/IVFSupportSA/) should you have any further questions.

Remember, you are not alone.



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