#IVF: Pain of a Negative Result

When you hear the news and they tell you that the result is a negative, it feels so unreal. You keep thinking that they should redo the blood test. The reality, is that you aren’t pregnant. It hasn’t worked.

The pain, the pain, the pain. Everything for nothing. All that hope, all that you went through and all that money. All washed away with the period you’re about to get in 2-3 days’ time.

No one is going to be able to comfort you properly, not even yourself.

When you get a negative, what do you cry for?

You cry for yourself because you feel deeply hurt for yourself. You cry because you’re grieving the fact that there isn’t a baby for you. You cry because you can’t understand why you cant get a baby yet others can and some, without even trying. You know you would be such a good mom. You cry for the fact that it’s another let down. You cry for the fact that it hasn’t worked after all that money, effort, all the expectation… and you have nothing to show for it.

Anger – mixed with everything, you might find yourself incredible angry with someone or over some or other situation.  Just breathe through these heightened emotions. Whatever you think you should tackle, wait a couple of days before you tackle them or the situation. In hindsight you’ll realise that this anger actually comes from a place of disappointment at it not having worked.

I remember feeling incredibly angry with my sister for daring to try make a play date with a stranger and her baby, at the hospital where my pregnancy blood test was being done. I was seething. As my parents were with us, I held it in. After I got home, I got madder and madder about the insensitivity and betrayed loyalty. The very next day, after she heard it was a negative result, she drove out with her daughter and some biscuits to cheer us up. Now what would have happened if I had got mad with her? I would have been at home, even more miserable that I already was. Instead, I woke up today and the world felt like a better place.

Know that you will get through this – it’s just another setback in life of which, no one escapes. This is your life’s setback. For now, just breathe. It doesn’t mean that you’re not going to get your baby.

Now, you need to let the necessary people know that it didn’t work. This last part actually helps you. It lets you grieve. Through these people’s compassion, you feel even sorrier for yourself. Have a great big fat messy cry. Get it all out! You need to grieve.

It’s crazy to think that everyone’s life goes on amidst your chaos; the world continues to move forward. YOU go through such a crushing time, yet the sun still rises, others still go shopping and time ticks away.

The eternal pursuit for your own baby.

You are whole and complete within yourself.

The good news – the worst is over in 48 hours and you’ll go through waves of emotions that will come and go, so it’s not all consuming. During this time, try putting lovely things in your mind. Plan your baby shower in your mind, the theme, the cake. Anything to cheer your heart. Ask your closest friend to please visit you and to excuse your raccoon eyes. Go for a walk in a pretty garden.

If any of this is familiar, you’ll know that someone else has gone through just this. Many women share this pain with you. IVF is not for sissies!

Feel welcome to send me an email (cathy@ivfsupport.co.za) or Facebook message (https://www.facebook.com/IVFSupportSA/) should you have any further questions.

So remember, you are not alone.

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4 comments

      1. Hi, unfortunately my period turned up on Monday. We were gutted but trying to stay positive. We have another 4 good quality eggs so fingers crossed for next time! Thank you for checking up 😊 xx

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