Ivf and marriage problems where the stress of infertility can have a serious toll on a marriage is true. infertility and marriage breakdown need not go hand in hand.
Keeping hubby close during your infertility process – just hearing this can make you tense up. You don’t even want to look at him, let alone be near him. But don’t be another statistic where not only do you lose yourself, the hope of a baby but your marriage too. Just what are the consequences of infertility to marriage…
Ever heard of projection or lashing out at those closest to you? Yip, the men sure get in the line of fire…they just seem to fuel it. Your husband can really take it out of you!
But, do you stop to think about all the medication you are on and the hormones fluttering around the place? These can give you a false reaction to things sometimes. You will look back and wonder what got you so mad. You will probably not even remember what they said that triggered it. It’s the heartache and yearning for that small wrinkly little being that you so desperately want.
This frustration, anger, despondency and frustration are all normal. When you get to this point, stop, breathe and breathe again.
He IS on your side. No, he can’t fully get it…no one can…unless you’re a woman and have been through this. Let’s show them a little forgiveness. We can’t be easy on them neither and as we struggle, so they do too. We can at least chat to out girlfriends about everything but I’m not so sure it’ll go the same way for your husband if he starts talking in detail to his mates over a beer.
You are not better off alone. Don’t add to your hardship and misery by combusting the inner circle of your heart any further.
You can get through this together. You don’t want to say later that infertility destroyed my marriage.
You can even come through this stronger than any other couple you know. Be an example.
Lean on him, don’t push him away.
Ask yourself, what am I doing to keep him close to me?
Here are some tips to help you keep hubby closer:
- Communicate often and share your emotions.
- When you are upset about something, use careful phrasing so that you don’t start the conversation off on a negative. Try using this format: “I am feeling [emotion] because it comes across that I’m not getting [requirement] from you.” OR: “I am feeling [emotion] as I feel that I’m not being taken seriously/ respected when you [situation].
- Try adding in a positive when opening your communication
- Think before you say something that you can’t take back
- Don’t blame him or make him responsible for your state of emotion
- Be clear – if you need a hug, simply ask him. If you need a quiet night in the room reading, simply ask him. They can’t guess what we need
- Appreciate that your husband is still with you on this journey
- Make time for romance even if you may not feel like it. Surprise him!
- Do things to change the energy at home e.g. have a picnic supper in the garden. It doesn’t need to cost anything but it lightens the atmosphere and feels fun
At the end of the day, just picture him changing your baby’s very stinky nappy 🙂
Many women share this pain with you. IVF is not for sissies!
So remember, you are not alone!