Ever heard of projection or lashing out at those closest to you? Yip, when we are tense about not falling pregnant or waiting to find out, the men sure get in the line of fire…they just seem to fuel it. Your husband can really take it out of you. Here are 5 practical tips on how to survive infertility with not only keeping your marriage, but also keeping hubby close.
- Have a Journal – no 1. Is to get a journal. When your hormones and frustration levels are heightened, head to the pages of your journal to express your emotions. Never go back and read over what you have written. Express everything you are feeling but always, always, end off on a positive.
- Keep your humour – When he is irritating you, just think how he’ll be punished enough with all the soiled nappies he’ll be changing. This should give you a secret laugh and lift those spirits. This is not an easy step – as sometimes strangulation seems to appeal more than humour………but the more you do this – the easier it becomes. Eventually it’s just second nature.
- Protect your assets – Don’t add to your hardship and misery by combusting the inner circle of your heart. He’s your closest and dearest so it’s easy to take out any frustration on your husband. By not keeping him close, you really make your life a misery by coupling injury to insult. You can get through this together. He is still with you on this journey. Allow him some space to express himself too – he is also hurting – but will never say so.
- Clear communication on what you need – They really don’t understand unless you spell it out for them. If you need space, let them know exactly what that means e.g.: I really need a quiet night in with a book and would so appreciate if I could have the bedroom for the evening until bedtime. They can’t guess what we need, s-p-e-l-l- it out! Let him become involved in your journey of hurt and recovery. If you feel like a lovely hot bubble bath – just suggest to him to run it for you. Most often the guys want to do something nice – but just can’t think of something right on the spot. Try not to isolate yourself from him. He does care and it kills him to see you hurting.
- Keep your love alive – Make time for romance, (maybe closeness rather than sex) especially when you don’t feel like it. Surprise him – he will just love you for it! This will reassure him that you do love him and this brings you both closer together. Don’t feel shy to ask him to hold you while you cry yourself to sleep. If he really loves you and is 100% a part of this process – he will only be too happy to do something nice for you. He will feel so strong and important that you need him so much.
A bonus 6th point **
- Lighten the mood – Do things to change the energy at home e.g. have a picnic supper in the garden. It doesn’t need to cost anything but it lightens the atmosphere and feels fun and different (again – suggest to him that you think it would be lovely to eat “al fresco” tonight, and would he mind organizing the picnic dinner. Suggest to him a “no TV night” – let’s just chat and catch up. This could be a great time to actually catch up on each other’s lives / friends / work / etc
If you weather this storm, you will be so strong together. Just the way you want to be, as new parents, to your baby! This infertility process has broken many marriages and homes – it can really be THAT tough. But it can also do the exact opposite – and bring couples closer together, more than ever before. Your approach, and the way you handle your partner, can make all the difference. Don’t get angry with him – nudge him, suggest things to him, encourage him to do things etc. You will be surprised how much he wants to help – but thinking of things to do for you doesn’t always occur to him.