At what point do you start asking yourself ‘how many more times am I going to go through this in-vitro process?’
Straight after a failed IVF cycle, I would fill my head with all the reasons as to why it could possibly have failed. I’d try and find an answer, somehow try and make sense of it all. I would meticulously go through my steps over the past 2 weeks and place great stress and strain on myself and those around me, as I tried to uncover any possible red flags that could have caused another round of ivf to fail. I would think that if I found the answer, I could learn from it, and avoid it for the next time we tried again. That hope of a positive pregnancy result was driving me mad and messing with my head, my emotions, and my life balance.
Alongside this, I would be looking at and playing with the next steps, and thinking about what my options were. How long before we could try again, what if I changed my fertility specialist, what if I went on a retreat before implant to ensure greater relaxation, and avoid stressful times with hubby. What if I stayed in bed the days following implant… maybe then it would work. Yet, women in times of war still fell pregnant and managed to deliver babies.
So having gone through a stressful time with the round of IVF then, the bad news that it hadn’t worked, and now, keeping myself in this state of stress by adding the ‘what if’s’ pressure – it all gets a bit much! These dark days are very hard to get through… not to mention for the husbands too.
However, at the end of the day, nature is nature and it will take the course it’s going to. Nothing you do or don’t do will necessarily aid or destroy the success of implant. Its just…. how many times can you put yourself and your partner through this process? You don’t need to worry about “when is enough?” as you’ll just know.
For me, I’ve gone through 11 ivf’s, using 3 different egg donors, and now, almost 44 years old, I need to be realistic. You move from desperately wanting your eggs and your husband’s sperm, to finally accepting that your chances may increase if you use a donor egg. Once you have made peace with that, and it still doesn’t work, you might then start to think about Surrogacy. Every time you think you’re getting closer, the goal posts move even further away.
You will know intuitively when to try again or move to the next step. Trust yourself and don’t stress any more than you need to.
Even though every time gets harder, you do still move forward. You move forward with renewed determination, and having learnt a little more.
Here are some tips to get through this minefield:
- STOP! Just breathe
- Try and do daily 10min Meditations – free on YouTube
- Take a break after implant hasn’t worked – you may not feel you need it but you do!
- List a few things that you are grateful for – remind yourself how lucky you are. Do this regularly – you will be amazed at how a simple “gratitude list” can lift your mood and change your attitude.
And remember, you are not alone.