I read a book that upset me. It was the author’s ivf journey and it was an obvious offload of their personal and destructive journey. I’d been through as many ivf’s and yet reading the book in 3 days brought back all the pain of a 5 year journey and condensed it into a 3 read day. I was so upset by it that my Mom actually took the book away from me she was so cross. I felt her emotional journey was the opposite of mine albeit that both were hard. I have managed to keep my key people close and still love my life. There is no reason to dump on your fellow sisters who are going through the same pain as you. No ways! I am not going to allow us to beat up on each other. We are going to get through this together. You are not alone. There are so many South Africa woman who are struggling to fall pregnant. We are in this together and I am here for you!
I’ve gone through 10 ivf’s, with 3 rounds of egg donors, a miscarriage and now, with approaching a surrogate, I’m still very much on my journey and quest for the ultimate… a baby! Just like you.
It’s been a tough journey as I’ve only done one round privately, the rest have all been the ‘no frills’ approach through government ivf. I have managed to grow my marriage, despite the pressure of the journey, my egg producing hormones and my husband’s reluctance to have another child. He has two children from his previous marriage. A rocky road is this ivf journey but I keep focussed on the goal and try to maintain as positive an attitude as possible!
Having lived in London for 7.5 years and having had so much fun with building my career, making friends and travelling in my off time, babies had just not featured. Babies were always something I assumed I would have, so I never felt the need to consider this as something that would ever be out of my reach. Having returned to South Africa I saw a psychologist who helped me plan and embrace having a child on my own as I’d had 2 failed engagements and my age wasn’t on my side. My family and I got started. We had worked it all out and had received sperm donor profiles.
So at this stage, a big inconvenience hit my life… I met the man I was going to marry. We very quickly discovered that a baby was not on the cards for him. Before getting off the starting block, I had already hit my first obstacle. At this point, I had to look hard inside myself and decide whether I was prepared to risk everything for it. I realised that my biological clock was ticking. This man wasn’t hearing any of it and I had to walk away to pursue my dream. I walked away with love in my heart for him and sadness at the loss of what could have been between us. 4 days… that is all it took. Back on the road again. We were married within a year, bought our beautiful home, and filled it with both our four legged furry children. I could feel reluctance in the beginning but over time, he learnt how badly I needed to fulfil this deep desire within me for a child. During our multiple IVF cycle attempts, we looked for a support group of ivf woman. There was nothing out there.
Having walked my road and realising how alone you can feel, despite all the support around you,
I came to a realisation one night that this long journey and all these failures were not for nothing. From this disappointment and heartache the idea was borne to start a support group with positivity and love at its core.
I want to help other woman who are going through this. I dont want you to be alone. I don’t want you to feel like you have to lose everything to hold onto the dream of having your baby. You can hold it together and I want to share what I have learnt to help you!
What has kept me sane…my little dog, my husband and my family 🙂